I've been having such a hard time with life lately. And I'm scared, and confused, and worried, and sick to my stomach about it all. Recently I've been having trouble with girls in my school that hate me, and every reason is because of a guy. And I never asked for any of this to be brought upon me. Like one girl hates me cause i kissed her ex boyfriend from like 1 year ago. And she had another serious relationship since then, and she slept with his brother! So I really have no reason to be upset and neither does she. Another girl hates me cause her ex-boyfriend off and on, liked me for a little, but I never liked him back, and I told her when he said something to me about liking me. WTF? It's not my fault that some boy likes me. Sorry let me just go kill myself so you won't have to see me again. Another girl hates me cause this senior likes me and she's also a senior, and I think she's jelous cause he doesn't like her back. Well she called me Saturday night calling me a cunt and saying that she fucked him the night before, and he got pissed at her, and somehow its my fault that he was mad about it. So anyways, it seems like everyone fucking hates me all over dumb ass guys and I don't even know what to do anymore. It's taking over my weight. Even though I've been eating healthy, I don't want to eat at ALL. I just need some support or something =/

The meat and fat of a pig absorbs toxins like a sponge. Their meat can be 30 times more toxic than beef or venison.

When eating beef or venison, it takes 8 to 9 hours to digest themeat so what little toxins are in the meat are slowly put into oursystem and can be filtered by the liver. But when pork is eaten, ittakes only 4 hours to digest the meat. We thus get a much higher levelof toxins within a shorter time.

Unlike other mammals, a pig does not sweat or perspire. Perspirationis a means by which toxins are removed from the body. Since a pig doesnot sweat, the toxins remain within its body and in the meat."

Alright, even though that doesn't have to do with being skinny, it does make me not want to eat it ever again.

Tomorrow, I'm not going to eat anything again. Hmmmmm, easier said than done?
Remember: If I don't eat tomorrow, that means I won't eat until like 4 or 5 on Saturday, wish me luck..

I'm missing you so much, I'll see you die tonight
Just so I can get to you before the sun will rise
I know the signs are on and I feel this too
None of that ever seems to matter when I'm holding you

intake: ohhhh, nothing 
outtake: ---

[x] 125 [] 122 [] 119 [] 116 [] 113 [] 110 [] 107 []104 []101 []100

I don't want to say my name, maybe because I'm embarrassed? Maybe I feel ashamed that I succumb to such pressures of today's society, the pressure to feel fit, to look pretty, to be skinny. But whatever the reason, I'm writing this because I don't know what else will make me feel better. I look at myself in the mirror, and all that comes out of me is such disappointment, like how I've let myself down. One year ago, I would scold myself for thinking anything other than the thought that I look fine. But I don't look fine, I'm the exact opposite. I'm 125 lbs. Funny, isn't it? To think that 125 lbs is too heavy when in reality it's okay. But for some reason, I want to be skinnier.

Can you relate to me? I'm sure many of you can. At least, I hope. I like to think that I'm not crazy and that I have somebody that understands me, that won't think of me as less of a person. I can't talk to anyone about this, because nobody around me has my problem. Or maybe they do. Maybe just like how people don't realize it about me, maybe I don't realize it about them. I think everyone at one time in their life felt the pressure to be skinny or in shape.

I love food. It's like my comfort. Or maybe it's not. Maybe I just like to eat and eat and eat, because I know I can. Well, that's what I used to think, before I stepped on the scale and saw that I'm too fat for this.

I won't eat today. That's what my first thought was when I woke up this morning. And I haven't stepped down on my deal, because I know that I need this. Where do we get most of our pressure to look thin from? Do you notice how it's so much easier, 10x easier to gain weight than it is to lose it? Is it like some sort of punishment? I have so many questions jumbled up in my head and I can't seem to find any answers. One thing I know though, is that I'm scared to death. I'm scared that I'm hurting myself, that by not eating I might never wake up tomorrow. But I always go back. I always hope that maybe I can be as skinny as my best friend, and that somehow it will be okay.

Can you relate to me?
(1) Whenever I try to eat, I'll pick up one thing and the next thing you know I'm on some food rampage and I'm hungry for everything but for some reason I can't fill my stomach up enough to be satisfied. So it feels so much better to not eat at all. It's scary.

(2) When I glance at my body from the side and I look at my stomach, it looks so disgusting. And I would give anything in the world for it to look flat. I would give anything. Isn't that so pathetic?

(3) I never realized just how many calories are in certain foods. And I actually judge food not by how bad it is for you, but by how many things I eat in a day. I bet you I consume so much more than what is healthy. Like pizza for instance, is about 400 calories, and I ate 3 yesterday, just for dinner. For lunch I had pizza sticks, (wtf) which were probably even worse because they were caked in grease. Doesn't certain food just make you want to throw up?


I have so much I want to say, but I feel so incapable right now. I'm not so sure why.
I think that I make myself sound like I have a horrible eating disorder, but really I'm
not this bad, I just have so much to say and I want to be understood. I don't know

so tiny, that's what i want to be like.